today i feel like a serious waste of living space. *sigh* well.. after a weekend of going out and what not.. i met this "person". and i dont know why this person would even approach me or talk to me for no reason. not that it's never happened before, and not that it happens often. so this person wasn't so physically attractive to me. but he seemed nice enough. and then i started being a human being. from the way this guy was talking to me to the way he was dressed.. the judging began. and in my mind, all i could see was that i was not attracted to this guy, and i couldnt get myself to see past that. or maybe i did a little. that's probably why i gave him my number. but when he actually called, i started thinking about how i was not attracted to this guy at ALL. and then i thought.. why in the world did i give him my number in the first place? to prove to myself that looks aren't everything? i'm not sure, and that's my dilemma right now.
i mean, my first question is.. does talking to strangers (the opposite sex specifically) mean that right from the start you have to be interested in them? interested in the means of love i mean. i mean. do guys just start talking to random girls because they think.. "oh hey, i could really love this girl." well... of course they aren't thinking that. only a psycho pathetic person who obsesses on love would do that! ok. so maybe they are just interested right? but does it always HAVE TO be based on that? the curiosity of love? or the curiosity of attraction? can it be based on just plain conversation and friendship? ok. yes i suppose it can. but for the most part, that's not what a guy is thinking when he asks you for your number. to be friends. :/ yannO? they are thinking.. that they wanna hook up with you in one way or another. but BECAUSE this person was not attractive to me, i didn't think the same way. but if he did happen to be attractive... what then? would i want to be interested in this person? this is where my conflict lies.
i feel that i am being so selfish and monster like by thinking that i'm better than this person and by not thinking beyond friendship JUST because im not physically attracted to this guy. is that OK? is that RIGHT? i mean, i know that everybody is this way. everybody judges based on what you're wearing, what you look like, etc. etc. people make generalizations. it's very hard not to. but i really do feel like a monster or even inhuman (or actually.. maybe a bit TOO human..) because i felt that i didn't wanna talk to this guy anymore. and that's mean isn't it? isn't not right that people are this way. so what.. should i just ASK this guy if he's interested in me? what kind of question is that? that's just weird man! but then if he says yes, i'd say.. lets just be friends and be on with it?
agh, anyways. sorry if i'm confusing you. my whole point is that why should people just be nice to certain people only because of what they look like. i mean. WHY am i doing this... is there no answer to this sort of thing? i mean, it's not like even if people wanted to.. they go around being nice to everyone they meet.. maybe i am thinking too much about something that is really so simple.. or maybe i am just saying that because i don't have an answer for this. anyhow.. i must disperse to eat!! ttyl tobes.
<3 Karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
