hi. i'm sad. :/ i haven't felt this way in a LONG LONG time. not this kind of sad. and it's SO STUPID! i know, i know. *sigh* "will it ever be anything more than wishful thinking?" is SO the line for me right now!! i dont get WHY i'm feeling this way. i mean, sure. i'm just a 20 year old, only natural. BUT, i mean. i have a lot of other things to be worried about. things that actually MATTER to me. (sorta)
i donno. i know you don't understand me. i know you DONT EXIST!! well, not exactly that you don't exist. but you dont hear me, you're my imaginary friend. in a physical sense, you don't exist. you can't give me any feedback. OUCH. that hurts. cause i only trust YOU. it's not good to put trust into human error. it's not 100% reliable. unless, that other person happens to be very strong. i mean, i thought i was strong. but BOY, i have broken some promises as well. and i really think about how i did wrong, and i feel bad. cause if someone did it to me. i'd be PISSED. and if i dont even trust MYSELF, how could i trust another? not that i'm saying DON'T trust anyone. that's like not living because your afraid to live. i mean, if you live your life being scared to live, and not doing things (and of course, balance comes in again, there will be situations where the dangerous outweighs the fun. and thats just plain stupid. of course, that's also subject to a matter of opinion, and depends on the person and how they handle it.) but ANYWAYS! you know what i mean right? it's the person who dreams of dancing but never does. that kinda thing. in life, there's always going to be a chance of getting hurt, and the same goes for trust. it's never 100% sure, but i guess you gotta have faith. i mean, if theres a person that says.. i dont trust others b/c blah blah, etc. etc. and i know what they are thinking. b/c i've thought it too. "what's the point of trusting if you might be broken hearted?" well, then i have to ask those ppl, what's the point of living if you might die? same concept to me. so, i've said if before, and i'll say it again. YOU GOTTA HAVE FAITH!! (i have to remind myself sometimes.)
well, chemistry is getting a LOT harder. christ. it's killing me. i don't get all this balancing equations... theres so many RULES! solubility rules, certain metals can't do this, can't do that. blah blah BLAH!! sheesh. i mean, who really cares about this stuff anyway? i do hafta say tho. it is mighty interesting sometimes. did you know elemental sodium (Na) reacts with water? it EXPLODES!! it scared me in class. heh. thats why theres no elemental sodium left on earth, cause it all reacted when it rained and went BOOM!!! ok. theres your dose of chemistry for FOREVER. heh.
everything else is ok. except for that weird feeling/thoughts that im thinking about lately. i need to get over it though. cause i know it will never be. only in dreams. :/ ok so i will STOP thinking about it. good bye! good night.
-karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
