anyways, i just wrote about my day at traffic school. i'll shorten it up. instructor: cute. the guy next to me: NORMAL, actually pretty nice. THANK GOD. (i'd hate sitting next to some weirdo all day) the class itself: interesting, humorous, realistic. overall impression: i liked it. mostly b/c of my instructor and our class was pretty open. he brought out some really good points too. oh i and i know i already told you this before, BEFORE WHEN I HAD THE OTHER FREAKING ENTRY. but he looked like john travolta, but younger, cuter, and thinner. i felt bad for him, b/c he was victim of a drunk driver, and his back is bad. :/ he can't pick up anything heavier than 50 lbs. sometimes it slips back out and he has to crawl on the floor to get help. poor guy! i donno. i never knew how much SHIT you can get for a DUI. good god. you know how on my bday i sort did that? i feel so LUCKY that i didnt get caught. cause i would have been FUCKED. no kidding. im never gonna do that. i mean, of COURSE everyone thinks they care ok to drive when they're drunk!! and we talked about road rage also. when you sit down and think about it, you realize how stupid it all is. i mean, i've gotten SO PISSED at other drivers for TONS of things. cutting me off, mostly. see it's weird. when I do it to someone. it's OK. i can justify myself. "i'm late, i need to be somewhere, etc. etc." when its someone else, i think the guy's an asshole, and doesnt deserve to drive. which is pretty stupid of me b/c i've cut off ppl too. sometimes not intentionally, sometimes with intent. and it all boils down to, HEY. you know what? we're all humans. who DOESNT make mistakes? why dont we just LET IT GO. b/c it's NOT worth it. not only the fact that we make the same mistakes they do, but what if they let their emotions get the better of them? what if they get just plain crazy? what if they have a gun in their car? i think you have to assume the worst with any unknown driver, cause you have NO idea what kind of mood they happen to be in that day, you don't know what they can do to you. it could be a matter of life and death. i mean, do me. it's THOSE ppl that are wrong. totally. they shouldnt ever take it to that level. i mean, how does it get from getting cut off, to getting a gun out? how do people let it get that bad? anyways, my point is. it's better to be SAFE than SORRY. cause you're putting your life at risk when you do stupid things to provoke other drivers. and you know, the things that are important to me in my life. my family, my friends, my job, my LIFE. those things are so precious to me. i'd never want to put those things on the line, JUST B/C I GOT PISSED OFF. and you know what kind of state "pissed off" is. it's temporary insanity. it's a moment where you are NOT in control. it can often be a moment of REGRET. nonetheless, dont get me wrong tobey. i'm not going to let that stop me from letting other ppl know if they did something wrong. i'm just gonna stop taking it to the next level all the time. i'm not gonna let it affect my life. i mean, if someone cuts me off, i'm still gonna honk at them. but i'm not gonna go crazy and try and get revenge. b/c you know what? it's just not worth it. it's weird though tobey. people are WEIRD. you can meet the nicest most sweetest person, and they are just CRAZY behind the wheel. they get this POWER TRIP, like they own the road.
i mean, a lot of my friends are like that. but with my friends.. it's a different situation to me. i mean, i can tell them the same thing i think, but it's prolly not going to make much difference. and on top of that, i dont think i'm their mommy. i dont think a friend is someone who tells you what to do all the time. sure i can give them my best adivce and tell them my concern. but ultimately, i can't tell them what to do. plus, i think a lot of things in life you learn through your own experiences. i'd be nice if ppl could learn from others mistakes. but that JUST DOESNT HAPPEN. people learn different things at different times. and im sure i still have a LOT to learn. maybe they will learn when they have kids you know? anyways, it's their own pace, experiences and realizations they have to learn on their own time.
cause i donno, i HATE it when people tell me what to do. like they actually FORCE you to do something that you don't want to. no one has the right to MAKE me do something, unless they are my fucking parents. it pisses me off sometimes when ppl get that way with me. i mean, seriously. WTF? i appreciate their concern, but it's still MY CHOICE. and if it's a mistake, then i guess it's something i have to learn on my own. i mean, unless it's gonna cost me my LIFE or something. (theres that balance thing again!!)
but again, this unhappiness of mine is something i've brought onto myself. i have this problem where i dont like to let it be known that i'm pissed off at someone, unless it's something rational. cause i know i get pissed off about STUPID things sometimes. but i donno. i make judgements based on things ppl do. and you know, theres always the fact that i could be wrong you know? i'm not right on everything. no one is. but when i get pissed off, i usually keep it to myself. of course i feel VERY hypocritical when i said "i'm not right on everything. no one is." when i'm so afraid to counter other ppl's thoughts and answers. if it's a classroom enviroment, that's OK. but when it comes to ppl i know. i donno.. i dont like making people feel bad, and i dont like telling ppl they are WRONG, when they ARE. i know theres gotta be some NICE way to go about doing that, but it seems like there isnt. i mean, what nice way is there to go about telling someone that they are wrong? there just isn't. i can prolly say it in a understanding way, but some ppl get offended real easy. so instead of confrontation, i walk away. i bottle up my thoughts in my head, and i think them in my own head. i feel hypocritical TO MYSELF, b/c i always say to MYSELF, "sometimes im WRONG. and that's OK" (and believe me, it takes a lot for me to see that sometimes.) but when it comes to OTHERS, i just can't say it to them. there are some situations where its just NOT MY PLACE to say anything. but sometimes, when it's a situation dealing with HOW I FEEL B/C they did whatever to me, i cant say a word. the words wont come. and i used to have someone who would understand. (well, somewhat.. of course we didnt always agree.) but now that the person isn't someone i can rely on anymore just for those "talks", i really feel even more enraged than i ever did. b/c no one understands. so i pour everything out on paper, or onto you. but sometimes i have to wonder if it's really helping me? atleast i get everything sorted out, and i know exactly what it is that bothers me. the hard part is just SAYING it.
damn, there are so many things i hate about people, and so many things i like about people. i just have to figure out a way to balance it all out. i gotta sleep on it tobey. im tired as hell, and chemistry is waiting for me tomorrow morning. :P good night tobey!!
-karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
