how are you doing? i went out for negar's birthday dinner with mary anne, the birthday girl (of course), bryan, shaun, and brent. afterwards, we went to a party in chico? or... chino? haha.. i donno what the heck the city was called... it was the city that SMELLED bad... it was an okay party... we all just really wanted to dance.. but nobody was really dancing! pssh.. and there was no way we could compare with mikey and his dancer friends.. LOL. we ran away from them. hehe. and we danced in our own little circle. heh. it was a fun night though! we might go out again tomorrow night? IF, i finish all my homework! i'm so glad we don't have school on monday. *yawn* i'm gonna go to barnes all day tomorrow.. then party hopefully like no other!
lately i've been feeling really down, although there really is no reason for it? i feel so exhaustingly lonely; hopelessly lost; desperately gone... i just feel SO utterly alone in this world.. i've been having trouble going to sleep the past few nights.. just random thoughts running through my mind i guess. sometimes i sit down and i really wonder how i could ever find someone who could match me. ha.. as silly as that sounds, i really do think about that sometimes! i tend to avoid ever thinking about the circumstances.. b/c it usually ends me up in a sad pathetic state. whenever you let your emotions take control.. it's a BAD BAD move. i really sat down though last night and cleared my head.. let emotion and mind come together and really think. i'm not looking for a serious relationship, i'm looking for fulfilling friendship that i can rely on. sure i love my friends to death, how could i not?! they're really great, but sometimes.. they don't understand me and how i am. strangers, friends, aquaintances, classmates... none of them.. really know who the heck i am. i guess this is just the lonely party of me speaking on my behalf.. i'm not usually like this you know! sometimes i think that something is horribly wrong with me. most everyone already seems glued to someone else.. but i don't have anything. HAVEN'T had anything.. for quite some time and i guess it's finally now hitting me after 3 years.... WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?! well... i'm too tired to think anymore.. so i'll dwell on these questions in dreams.. 99 tobes.
<3 karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
