Hi you. I'm at school on a break right now. I have one lab left then I am off to work @ the animal hospital then going to have dinner with Rene tonight. Yesterday I went to KBs and we ate at what I call the "Noodle Mars" by his place. Afterwards we studied at his place. For me, things are strange because I have no idea what he's thinking. It's a very stressful time for me. The only time I feel any kind of comfort is when I'm with him. I know that I can't assume anything with him, so... that leaves me to assume the worst. Just to prepare myself for any kind of future emotional struggle I may have to encounter. It's not like we have a bad time. I think we have a great time when we're together now. But I realized that to Michael, that doesn't really mean anything in terms of love and a future. I told him that he could take his time deciding and that I wasn't going to ask him about it. But honestly, I think about it all the time and it just kills me. I wonder about a lot of things myself... I wonder what's real, what's going to happen, what is going through his mind, and more importantly, his feelings. I understand that marriage is very important to many people. It's just not that important to me. I guess I believe in love first. Love is the priority, then marriage can just come later.
It's so frustrating to feel this way. Sometimes I think that maybe he's just waiting for me to break up with him. I'd like to NOT believe that, but I get that feeling. Of course, in this time of confusion, I don't know if what I'm thinking is right, partially right, wrong or what. They are just thoughts of mine... and I feel sad often throughout the day that things turned out this way. I'm honestly afraid to ask him about how he feels because he's just swinging back and forth on the vine and doesn't know anything. I wish I could know with certainty the path I'm going to take. Of course.. I could just make the decision myself. To stop this. That's what a part of me wants. And another part says no. Maybe it's because we have a lot of common interest and enjoy similar things. Maybe it's because I can't leave the idea of love. May be a lot of things I suppose. Could be a bit of everything. And a lot of nothing at the same time. I don't think I've ever been so confused in my life.
<3 Karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
