today was a pretty uneventful day. i worked 10 - 4. and im seriously thinking about quitting. i just dont know how im going to be handling all my classes and juggling work at the same time with not that much money.. and plus, lately.. i've just been feeling so fed up with everything! i dont want to do add on sales, and i dont really feel like being nice to ppl i hardly know. i know, im in a terrible mood. i donno!
so FINALLY, this old friend of mine called me. i mean, i did happen to call her some odd few weeks ago... okok, maybe not that long.. but long enough. and she never called me back. but its weird b/c she was the one who called me in the first place yanno? to like, talk about everything.. and when i saw her, she acted like she didnt even care. so.. i donno. *sigh* i dont even know exactly what made me want to call her after that, but i did. i guess i really did miss her friendship. after all, we had been best friends for a while.. and i donno. i kind of feel that she was the only person who ever truly understood me. maybe it's because me and my "friends" have so much distance now that i feel this way. i'm not sure? but i know that i really did have a very good connection with this friend of mine.. and i guess i kind of broke it. maybe this kind of thing is unfixable huh? maybe she doesnt even want to fix this friendship... but then why in the world would she call me?! so i assume that she does want to at the least keep in touch.. :/ i dont really know tobey. and it's confusing me. i guess cause i don't really have much else to think about nower days.. this is what i do. dwell on strange things that really aren't important in my life.
well, what's important in my life anyway? i dont even know anymore. i'm not happy at work, i feel like school is going to be hell, some friends i have!, i worry about my future... the only thing i have that is working for me is my family.. we're going to go to arizona in august.. (18th - 24th) and i'm really looking forward to it. i get along with my sister sushi so much better than before.. we actually talk and stuff now.. and sarah.. im still waiting for her to grow up! heh.. but i know my family is the only thing i can and ever should depend on.. b/c it's the only thing that seems to last. it's the only thing that will stay with you forever, well... until death do us part i guess. but yanno what i mean. that is seriously the only thing that makes me happy now. i used to think that i had terribly great friends... i mean, no body's perfect.. i understand that. but, lately.. it's all spiraling towards a mistake. and i bet they think it's my own fault. and maybe it is mine? im not sure anymore. maybe it's BOTH. it's so funny, humans always try to blame things on others.. when they are so blind to see the truth. and the ONE single friend i do trust, and i do love so much. is leaving in less than a few weeks. great, wonderful. my life is oh the more so perfect. (im being sarcastic tobey..) i think nightmares are awaiting me tonight. 99.
<3 me*
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
