what will become of me?
tonight, my mother's informed me of some news. and they aren't so nice either.
im scared.
but i feel so selfish at the same time.. it's only money right? i donno... that's what i thought, when it was never a problem. but now that it has become.. it's transmuted into this monster. this ugly wretched nightmare that has become a reality. and i really do. wish it were all just a nightmare. how can he do this to us? maybe not me, b/c i'm not such a great daughter. but why sarah? and suh? doesn't he know, that we have to go to school.. how else will we become anything?
i can hear the whispering now. just like in 'rocking horse winner' and it's haunting. just thinking about it. knowing... i never realized they'd been there all along. maybe i just plugged my ears so i wouldn't hear them. now those plugs have gone old, and worn... it's a slap in the face.
it's already hard enough. trying so hard to be something so terribly wonderful. and now, it's like. i cant have it for sure.
you know, im angry. you don't know how easy you have it. it's not fair. you're parents can send you to school, and that's OK. in fact, they encourage you to be what you want, and they want to send you to the best. fuck the relationships that don't exist, screw the friends that don't care. your family has MONEY. those problems are so petty. so you think you have problems?? your heart has been broken? (well so has mine, get over it.) you feel left out from your friends? (mine don't even notice my presence, get used to it.) those aren't even problems when i think about this. how could i have been such a fool to not know the luxury i lived in. those are not problems! YOU. you have a future. why is it that i don't?
No <3 tonight... -pissed off.
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
