hi. i'm in a sullen moon tonight. i don't really want to write about the depressingness of this world, i think it will only depress me more. so i'll save that for another day when i feel a bit better..! i dont know tobey. i just feel so BLEH. i think i know why it is i feel this way. but i dont want to think it because i dont want it to be true. but i hate it cause i feel it eating away at me. i wish i wasn't the way that i am... but i donno? what is my problem? i know i'm a hyprocrite, i also know that 100% of the human population joins me in that category. but i hate being one nonetheless. for one thing, i always talk about how i'm honest, and true. but lying to myself everyday.. that's not really being honest of true to myself. you know tobey. i really think that i'm going to die alone, with no one by my side except my dogs. i know i know what you're thinking. that i'm young. that it's not totally hopeless. but i really think that. cause i know i never put in any effort, i will at all costs avoid eye contact.. i just act like nothing bothers me. like i'm OK with everything. like my life is fanfuckingtastic. like anyone else i meet really has no significance to my life. and never will. (cept fot at work, but thats different.) i just feel like a hopeless cause. but at the same time i feel sad for those other ppl.. but i guess it's b/c i can tell myself that to feel better.. i wonder if i can be OK with that. can i be ok with being alone? can i live my life for other purposes. the second question is a YES, (or so i think), but i donno about the first. i think it would make my life feel so unfulfilled. ok tobey. what im meant for tonight, is the comfort of my bed. good night.
<3 karen.
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
