whew. long time no see eh? HAPPY NEW YEARS! i don't really have a new years resolution this year. hmmm.. but i guess if i had to have one, it would be to stop biting my damn fingers, learn korean, and... um, save money! well, my new years consisted of... laughing, falling, crying, apologizing, making sure ppl UNDERSTOOD me, dennys (back and forth), a bit of self pity, and a bit of self revival (sorta). and this all happened at a party.... WhEW! except for the dennys part. heh. and maybe a bit of the self revival. anyways, it was this girl, sami's party. i felt really bad after everyone had left, b/c everything was a damn mess and her parents had come home. i scrubbed the floors with a screwdriver alongside her sister. that part wasn't oh so fun, but ewwiee, you shoulda seen it. anyways, i went with avi, negar, jason, and some other ppl we met up there. it was good to see old friends! but i really missed mary anne!!! :( i wished she was there so bad. it doesn't feel complete without all four of us, you know what i mean? but i truly, went to the party without the intention to drink. actually, i don't know what my intention was. i felt kind of akward there at first, b/c it was a "bilin" party, and i hardly knew anyone there. so what the hell do you do when you feel akward? (sp?), YOU DRINK whatever the hell someone hands you. in my case, it was a bottle of beer (which i had a tenth of, b/c i HATE beer.), a half a cup of bicardi O and coke mixed together (it was FULLY DISGUSTING.), and a half a cup of vodka mixed with something that tasted like it was dead and had been for some odd hours. YUCK! i almost vomit at the thought. i don't know what my problem is. i linger on the taste of HOW BAD IT IS, and i really want to throw up. whew, but that night, i held it down. but i sobered up after a few hours. i met some really nice new ppl there... names i prolly can't spell, but, they were friends of jason and calvin. i apologized to andy, for being such a horrible b**** after our break up some odd years ago. which was nice. to come clean with everything and just say sorry, you know? to realize that immaturity has passed and gone, to accept mistakes with grace and let them fall away. come midnight, and i kissed my friend on the cheek. (i'm a good girl!!) then soon after, most everyone got kicked out. and we proceeded to dennys where we had the most interesting conversation about US and WAR. you know, that old mess. then at 5:30 am, i FINALLY, got home. and realized the next morning, that if you go to sleep sober, you won't wake up with a hangover!! i'll keep that in mind now. ;)
oh yes, about the crying bit. okay, i will admit this. i cried b/c i was lonely. i was drunk and of course my emotions were carried away with the alcohol. but i mean, there have been lots of times when i was lonely, but i never cried b/c i told myself to get over it. but that night, i don't know. ppl made assumptions about what i was crying about. but they truly had no idea. practically everyone thought it was b/c of a boy. a certain boy. but i swear on everything i believe in tobey, it wasn't anything to do with him, or the girl he's with. when i said that i let him go, i truly did so. better then i could have ever imagined. i said, by the power invested in me, i claim myself to be free and rid of these pathetic illusions of love and love lost. and i did. i got rid of them, and i'm happy. and happy for the boy and the girl. the thing i'm unhappy with, is myself. i just let the loneliness consume me for one night. for one hour. i shouldn't have, but i was drunk, and yadda yadda yadda. i'm sorry if i didn't fulfill anyone's thoughts that they could revive me with some phrases such as "you'll find someone new" or "it takes time". it was just so funny to me you know? b/c it WASN'T about that AT ALL! i kept trying to tell them, but truly, no one was listening to me one bit. i sure am a disappointment to those people, but hey, life goes on. i've gone on with it, now i hope those damn people will please do the same!!
so now, i've told you my new years eve story. and i'm getting pretty sleepy now, so maybe i will meet you tomorrow. :) it was a nice day today. had lunch with a friend (cheeeeeseecake, yUm!!), shopped, etc. etc. 99!
-karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
