whenever you procrastinate.... READ ME.
April 02, 2003 at 11:51 p.m.
this entry will not be started off w/ a friendly hello. this entry is to reprimand myself for being so dumb and damningly human. i have once again procrastinated with studying. why i do this after so many trials of errors.. i still do not know. i want myself to always remember this time. this time when i am pushing myself over the edge, and made myself so damn tired. tired as hell. i want myself to always remember HOW tired i am at this very moment, b/c i procrastinated! and to think, that all of this could have been logically avoided had i split up the work i had to do in a few mere days.

i have pitted myself into this very hell that i have handmade for only me myself and i. it's very lonesome, and i haven't got a soul to share it with. i get angry at my math teacher for giving me this test, when in reality, it's only ME that i'm angry at.. for not being prepared. everyday that goes by, is a chance to redeem myself, and yet i always chose to wait until i only have that one last day to cram. why do i do this? b/c i have become increasingly more human, and to become more human, is to make more mistakes. i am such a fool, to always continuously torture myself w/ this nonsense of cramming everything in and studying under pressure which i cannot withstand. so next time karen, please. do me a favor, and freaking study a few days before the test. is it really so much to ask for? then you can actually focus and wave your attention to the more important things. and you can enjoy them too, w/o too much stress. so please! i beg of you, to not make the same mistake 100000x. end this sick cycle of crazy nonsense! and make it damn easier for yourself. don't let other people get in the way of studying. b/c school is #one as of the moment. school NEEDS to be #one (#one priority anyway..) until you get your damn BS or BA. it's funny how one would rather stare at the whites of their walls until it begins to turn different colors in their mind rather then to sit and study. really, i've done it all now.. and i'm sick of it. i'm tired, hungry and i want to crawl into my bed and sleep for a very long time. but no, b/c i brought this upon myself, i must stay up and continue with my torture b/c i decided to act like another idiot human being. see, all this time i sit and complain about how much i hate math or science, or whatever, when really... it's me i am despising so much!

now that i've made myself feel horrible. i will beg for a miracle. i wish that suddenly my brain will just become immensly enormous and it will have an unlimited capacity for knowledge in the science and math area. how nice would that be... if only school came easy for me like it does for a few blessed others! good night tobey. enough writing. enough talk. let's get on with it.

~a mad at herself dog.

Yesterday | Tomorrow

Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007