how are ya today? i got back a bit ago from barnes and noble with lizzie... we studied for a while, and ate in n out.. :) i actually ate at in n out AND at taco bell. one right after the other. do you think that's a bad thing? hehe. we also saw sam and wilson.. it was good to see those goofy boys! now i'm just home.. resting my tummy AND my brain. and i gotta study more tomorrow after work too. :( school is getting so old.. SO FAST!
i do believe, that of late, my friends think i'm mean and cranky.. which could possibly be somewhat true.... heh. well, i have been edgy actually. but.. what can i say? i just wish that my friends had more strength.. not physical strength of course.. i mean, they got enough of that! i just wish they had more INNER strength. i'm not sure why this is so important to me? mainly b/c i care about them.. but, also b/c there are times when i feel that they are a direct reflection of who i am. you know.. "birds of a feather flock together", or you know how people say that you become more like your friends or your friends become more like you.. i do believe those things to be true to an extent. and its not b/c i want to the world to see how independent we each are.. it's not like that at all. i don't care much for what other people think of me or any of my friends for that matter. this may sound absurd.. but, they are a direct reflection of me.. TO ME. when i see them at their lowest point consistently day after day.. i feel like i haven't helped them any. like i haven't had any impact in their life. when i see them so down and confused.. i want so desperately to help them. but yeah.. i know i shouldn't be so selfish.. i mean. i shouldn't help them just to satisfy MY feelings. i should help them and let them be satisfied at their OWN PACE.. i do realize that.. it's just hard for me to accept these facts of life b/c i have my own standards.. i just hate it when people are so disgustingly pathetic. of course, i myself have been at that point plently of times! and i dont know if this next line is going to sound overly generous about myself.. but, i feel like when i get sad/depressed, i get over it pretty quickly nower days. i feel that for the most part, i am in control of me and my life. ha.. but maybe i am giving myself too much credit. it's highly possible that i'm wrong on this matter! but, if i am right.. i just wish that more of my friends had the same kind of feeling about themselves.. i want to give my friends strength by showing it. but i know there are times when i just come off as coldhearted and mean to certain friends.. i guess what i really need to learn, is that everyone is different and everyone learns different things at their own rate.. and whether it be my business or not, i should let things be and accept my friends for who they are. as hard as it may be for me.
i also get the impression that everyone thinks that i am this "nice" girl... ha.. if they only knew eh? it's funny how many people never get to know each other.. i mean, REALLY know each other. i don't think i put on a "front".. to make people believe that i'm something that i'm not.. so i'm not really sure where i get this "nice girl" reputation from. i guess its just that most people just never to see the bad ugly side of me. i must stow that part of me away pretty well huh?
i was also looking at my little "friendster" thingie today.. and, it kind of made me mad. it's just funny how people ask you to be your "friend" and stuff. i mean, honestly.. half those people on there, aren't even what i consider "friends". i'm probably thinking about this way too much and taking this too seriously, but it just buggs me how some of those people aren't even my friends, and how people you dont even know as you to be their "friend". there were some people on there that i didnt even really LIKE for that matter. but i went ahead and deleted them a few weeks ago.. i can't even comprehend how some people on there have 100 some odd friends. i mean.. do you really consider all 100 of those people your FRIENDS? yeah yeah.. i know what you're saying. that i'm overreacting and i should get over it! you're probably right.. yet i cant help feeling disgusted. do you think that's a bad thing? heh.. oh well, i'm over it now that i've let out! i'm gonna get to bed.. work tomorrow. need my sleep.... what a long day it's gonna be. >_<
-karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
