long time no talk huh? well, i've been fucking up majorly these past few months.. and my 'D' in calculus really shows for it. :/ remember how i told you about how people think i'm smart? ha, well, my 'D' in calculus really puts down that theory. i'm so upset! i can't believe i got a D. its gonna look SO bad on my applications.. i have no idea what i'm going to do. i may just stay at saddleback for another year. i feel like such a freaking dumbass! i'm thinking about applying to pomona next semester (they do have the major zoology...) instead of waiting another year to apply to UCs.. but then again, i really have no idea what i'm going to do. i'm in a bit of a ditch that i've just dug too deep. i don't know how to get out! heeeeelp. everything that i thought i could do and i thought i would be... just isn't happening. i'm still chewing my fingers to their death, i'm still a big procrastinator, i'm still lazy as hell, i'm still eating shitty food, i'm still not excersizing (sp?), i STILL haven't quit sanrio, and now i dont know if i can b/c i'm only going to be able to work weekends again next semester or maybe not at all b/c i have to take calculus all over again.. i try to make myself feel better by telling myself there are people in worse positions than me out there. maybe i was too overconfident about myself this semester, i just wanted to rush out into the world of nature and wildlife SO FAST SO MUCH... it was like falling in love for the first time then getting heartbroken all over again. and now, i have to pay the price. i'm such an idiot! it's all my damn fault too. i know i could have done it too.. if i didnt procrastinate so damn much. damn. will someone kick my ass please? i need a big reality check. i'm so fucking lazy! i don't get me tobey. okay.. well i gotta go take a shower and get ready for jons bday dinner.. i hope he likes what i got him! bens party was semi successful. some people flaked so i was freaking annoyed! flakers... said they were gonna show and they didn't. i mean damn, if you're not gonna show, all you have to do is say so you know? at least, make up some lame excuse not to come. don't freaking tell me you're all gonna come and then forget about it! a lot of people only came to the after party, some people i didn't even know.. i mean, i guess that was fine.. i understand some ppl have work and stuff yanno? but i donno! at least the birthday boy had a good time huh? i guess that's all that matters. anyways, it was fun, i hope everyone else had a good time too. now i really gotta go. i hate myself right now!! why can't i be better?? why can't i be what i want to be? bye tobes.
<3 karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
