So. I guess I'm having what you would call a bad day. I'm just so F-ing fed up with the world right now.
I'm thinking about what I wrote last time.. about forgiveness. Well, I think it pertains to friendships, families, boyfriends, or any other relationship for that matter. Looks like I'm in a tough position because I have to take my own advice.. I'm just so tired of being like this with a so called "friend" of mine. I've seriously never been through so much bullshit in my life. I'm also tired of putting in all this effort to try to make things work and be fucking civil. It's just that, I think you're an asshole. I don't think you are an asshole to the world. I just think you are an asshole to me. The thing that makes me mad is that I'm really trying very hard to be nice to you. It's like you don't even want to be understood.
And you know what is so sad about this situation? It will never, ever change. YOU will never change. I'm not asking you to undergo a personality change or be someone that you aren't. I'm asking you to stop dumping your attitude on me. Is that really so much to ask? A little respect? I don't think I'm a negative person. I don't think I'm irrational. I tried everything in the world for us and what am I supposed to do with this bullshit? Do you really think that you treat me fairly? Do you really feel that you are being a good friend? Well, I don't. I don't see it, I don't feel it, and it just doesn't exist.
I'm not turning my back on you. I'm not putting this friendship up in flames. I'm just leaving it the way it is. I'm not going to put in all this effort, emotionally and physically for you to say stupid shit to me, like "what the fuck do you think?", "why the fuck would you say that?", "what the fuck is the matter with you?". I'm exhausted from your attitude.
To be honest with you, I miss the person you were. Contrary to what you think, I WANT to be your friend. I don't want us to disintegrate into nothing. You have some really good traits about you, but there are SO MANY bad things about you that I just feel like I'm emotionally overwhelmed by. If you think about it, how many entries have I written in the past that are almost replicas of each other? I don't even know where to go and vent. You're not there for me, you're mean to me, you curse at me constantly, you can't be civil to me, you don't want to give me any advice.... I feel like I am in a one-way friendship lane. You don't even know much stress, tears, and ache you cause me. You're so 110% great to everyone, but I get about 50% of that respect. What? All because, I know you well?
I don't even believe that you care.
Therefore, I don't even know why I'm writing this.
<3 Karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
