Hi love (again). Sorry about these back to back entries some days... I just feel like my frustrations are going to knock me over the edge right now. Right now I feel like I'm trapped in my past. I don't really carry my "baggage" around with me, because I don't believe in that. I think that carrying all that emotional weight is a waste of time and thought. But.. you know. No one's perfect. Certainly not me. I don't intend to be perfect. I intend to be whatever I feel is best at the moment. Right now, I feel that this is the best option. To just write about my hurt. I think it's okay for me to be sad about it. I've already made a decision on it, and my feelings aren't going to change that decision, or the other persons for that matter. On that side, I know there's NOTHING I could possibly do to make them change their mind. They probably hate me, dislike me, or never want to talk to me or see me. And that's fine. I understand to some degree why things are the way they are now. I wouldn't say it's all their fault, nor mine. It's was a mixture of a lot of things... Of course our feelings for each other have changed over the course of time. Still, I think it's funny how I still care about this person. I think I always will. I think about all the variety of best friends I've had since I was younger. I think I'll always care to some degree about all of them. All the memories you shared together can't really be thrown away like old pictures or movie stubs. I know these painful memories are something I don't have to think about, but I am willingly doing it right now because I want to. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to feel pain. But I don't want to forget either.
Forgiving and forgetting is a funny thing.. how some people can do it with ease, while others cannot. Even though this person might think that they did not really wrong me in anyway, I felt wronged. And.. even if it's too little too late, or of no relevance, I would just like to say that I forgive this person in my heart. I don't want to feel any kind of hate for them. I don't really even think that's possible. Even though I felt like I could have hated them for a lifetime, I realize now that I couldn't possibly. And that I'm sorry. I know I wronged them for certain. I don't know how many times to say it. Except that I genuinely am. Even though it changes nothing in our present... I just am. They might think it's pointless or whatever.. I can just hear them in my head now. But, nonetheless.. I'm sorry. It doesn't matter, but I'm sorry.
Wishing for things I've found... doesn't help much. So I don't really wish for anything anymore. I'll just let them be. It's out of my hands now.
<3 Karen
Ari Hest - I Forgive You
I haven't heard from you since
Well, I can't even recall your face
Isn't it sad to think that
Our younger years have been replaced by
Responsibilities and life's little intricacies
When everyone's trying hard to be...
It's easy to loose track
You said some things to me that
I have had trouble forgetting about
But there ain't no sense in holding grudges forever
That's the simple way out
We may not be so close now
Staying enemies I won't allow
And the only way that I know how
To let go is to tell you
I forgive you
No sense, no sense in holding grudges
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
