Today wasn't such a great day. =( I don't know why? It actually started off ok. The mall was PACKED with kids screaming for Spongebob Squarepants!! For some promotional reason they had Spongebob himself come to the Mission Viejo mall and have everyone take pics with him. The line was seriously a mile long. LITERALLY. It went out the mall doors behind Robinsons May. It was INSANE!! and since all those kids were there.. of course they would come into the Sanrio store. We were sooooo busy. I suppose it was good business for us. But still very tiring.
I have had so much on my mind.. After work my friend (lets call him Bob) came to meet me so we could get something to eat. See, Bob and I have had a long and tiring history together. We started off as friends for a year, then we became something more for about a year. Then.. stupid me fell in love with him. And I thought he loved me too.. Then it just wasnt working for him anymore. And he wanted to be "just friends" as they call it. I've been trying and trying (it's been about a year now) to just LET IT GO and be his friend... and we are close friends. I even call him my best friend. But it's so hard you know? To try to get over someone when you hang out with them 24/7. It's not fair to me. Now I realize that the only way to do it is to just erase all those memories and forget everything. But he INSISTS on being my friend. I dont know why he is this way? When I tell him how I feel... he doesnt listen to me. He'll just laugh or make a joke.. I suppose it's all very repetitive now. But I dont know what else to do. I think about just doing something horrible to him so he'll hate me. Well, I'm pretty sure he's going to be going away for college now... so it might be easier to avoid him then... but I feel so depressed about it still. There are some days when I feel so strong and I feel like.. "hey I can do this!", then there are those other days... I just want him to go away and leave me alone.
From my point of view, I feel that he's being selfish and he's getting everything he wants.. I mean, why does he get to choose when he can like me and then break up..? Why does he get to choose that we have to remain friends? Why does he get to choose everything? I just want him to give me peace of mind. Because I loved him, but he never loved me back.. even if he said he did, it wasn't true.. It was all lies. He couldnt commit to me. He always says that friends should always stay friends.. but when things change.. I dont know. It's different for me. I dont even understand how he got over me so fast... I guess it's because he never really loved me in that way. He only loved me as a friend. That is the worst deception you could ever do to a person. To break their heart like that. Or shall I say the best deception.
"and all the best deceptions and the clever cover story awards.. go to you.."
<3 Karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
