hi. i'm feeling strange tonight? or more like, certain people i'm associated with, have become the monsters i call strangers. oh well i guess? thats life for ya. but theres something else, something.. i wish were a nightmare. ever have one of those terrible nightmares, where you WISH SO BADLY it were one.. but don't realize it yet. and then a few moments later, you wake up from it all. and you breathe out a deep sigh of relief. and you feel SO reassured. that's what i wanted so badly the next moring, only, it wasn't a nightmare. it was real. why do i hafta be so snoopy all the time? i could have held myself from this horror. (is it really a horror? i donno.) 'curiosity killed the cat' right? well, it's killing me right now. and i really don't need it in my life right now. i have my chem test on thursday along with my enviromental studies midterm. PLEASE SHOOT ME. why couldn't this have happened to me after? or how about never dammit?! agh. but i guess i'm not really so angry. i'm just letting my emotions get the better of me right now. i'm not thinking clearly. i'm pissed, so right now, i'm insane. just temporary insanity. can this pass? i dont know? i think it can? the real question is, do i want it to pass? why do i relish in this feeling of hate, yet wish it were part of a horrific nightmare?? i don't really have any right to be angry. i guess it's just the SHOCK of it all. the SHOCKING STUNNING realization, that YEAH. IT'S HAPPENED. AND THERES NOT A THING I CAN DO TO STOP IT. and i hate that feeling. the feeling that i'm not in control. and you can obviously see, i have lost it right now. and I HATE IT. oh well, right now. i'm going to breathe deep. and erase it from my mind. just so that i can make school my life till the end of this week.. then i'll be able to view what i have erased.. the fine prints of pencil prints still embedded in my mind. still firmly planted. even though, it's tried so hard to hide.
-karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
