i wonder tobey, if i can ever fully be me. can i be myself? i have this phobia i think. i fear of people thinking that i'm strange or abnormal. even though, we all know, we are all abnormal! and then i have this other phobia, a phobia that i can never truly be myself. i just want to be me tobey. i want to be able to do anything i want without the worry of what other people think. this includes EVERYTHING! that's my new february resolution for the rest of the year. that i be me. and that i don't have to be afraid to be me. i want to not care what other people think. everything i do, i want it to be b/c i want to. not b/c society is making me do it. not b/c i want people to be proud of me. not for anyone in any aspect. but for me. i wonder if that's being selfish? i don't think so though, b/c i always try to respect other ppls feelings. (for the most part) there's so many things i want to do and become tobey. it's impossible to keep track of it all. i want to NOT judge based on appearances. do you notice how all the "pretty" people are always treated so nicely? do you ever compare how people treat "pretty" and "ugly" people? it's disgusting. why do people do that? okay okay, let me edit all this right now. i'm making a list, and i will come back to list and remind myself every other day of the changes i want to make. or things i want for myself.
1. don't judge others based on appearance. judge by actions. this includes, not making assumptions about people by just looking at them. make factual information based on conversation.
2. treat everyone equally. (at first anyway.) give everyone a chance to show they are not a fake or someone i tend to dislike.
3. if you (you being me i guess!) don't like someone. then don't like them. stop going back and forth on friendships that don't matter to you. don't be nice to someone you really dispise inside. face it, it's a waste of time and effort. a waste of my mind to pour spoiled love on spoiled friendships. *i know im gonna have to work on this one...*
4. be nicer to my family. stop being sucha B**** karen! be nice. they are the people that matter. remember? they bore you, gave you a home. clothes (well when i was a kid anyway), a car, food, love. essentials for life. which leads me to my next resolution...
5. take time for the people that MATTER. the people that i care about. waste your time on friendships that matter! friendships that are beneficial to each other. this does NOT include ONE WAY friendships.
6. get rid of ONE WAY FRIENDSHIPS.
7. take care of yourself!! excercise once in a while you lazy bum! don't think that studying and hmwk is an excuse to stay physically unfit. do you want to live longer, live healthier??? then get to excercising ATLEAST if you refuse to eat right!
8. eat healthier. (hehe. i donno about this one.)
9. stop biting your damn nails and your damn fingers. they are not snacks!!
10. stop wasting money on needless items.
11. stop putting of studying and hmwk for the last minute. no more procrastination!
12. don't be jealous of ANYONE.
13. be happy with what you have.
14. almost everything you do, do for yourself. (not in the selfish, hogging sense.) be independent is what i mean. do things to improve myself, not to make me worse. stop making me worse! i beg of you.
i guess thats it. im sure there will be more later, but for now.... i'm satified w/ my list. thats a lot of things i have to improve upon isn't it? well, i guess i will just have to keep looking back on them and do it one at a time. one day at a time.
-karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
