gosh, am i in a terrible mood tonight or what? i donno.. these things overtake me in strange and mysterious ways. i was so happy a few hours ago. watching a movie and eating taco bell with my sister and hanna. and then.. it's like a wave of depression just came over me. i mean, i know getting sad happens every now and then to EVERYONE.... but? it's still a yucky thing. everyone went clubbing tonight.. or all the girls rather. and i was gonna go too, but hanna and sushi kept pushing me to stay home.. and you know me. im not much of a partying type of person i think. i don't get me tobey! i'm 20 years old. i should be having the time of my life. i should be at the club with the girls, having fun! but why do i not feel like doing that tonight? why the heck do i feel this way right now? (you shoulda gone to the club karen.... tisk tisk..) okay, i know what you are thinking. you are thinking that it's going to be valentines day in less than 20 minutes and that's what i'm depressed about? hm, maybe. maybe not. maybe it has a little to do with it. but i really dont care THAT much i assure you. if i do care, it is in essense a very little bit of care. (are you sure about that karen?) i'm trying really hard to be happy. but sometimes i feel like i have nothing to be happy about. (everyone feels that way once in a while! if you didn't get sad once in a while, you wouldn't even be HUMAN. that's what being human IS. going through ups and downs. living life is riding a rollercoaster.) yes i do know that. it's part of life: being sad. but i hate it. (and besides that, your life isn't terrible. there are so many others that have it WAY worse than you. there are people who are homeless for gods sake. people who dont have families! people who dont even have the necessities for LIFE.) so i know, i should be grateful and humble. but.. i'm just not? what i should probably do is just sleep on it. (like you always do. yes karen, sleep your life away. study your life away! be lazy until your life is over and you have nothing left to live for!) but i know that when i wake in the morning.. i will feel much much better. (lets hope so.) sorry all i did was bitch and complain tobey. it's just that i have to release some of this retardedness away. better to do it on paper than to a person right? (right) i am so sleepy right now tobey. i just want to crawl into my bed and fall asleep. i hope i have happy dreams tonight. just let me have hapy dreams. just for one night. then in the morning, just let me "live and let die". not me die. you know, let my depression die. please die dammit! *after the rain, always comes the glorious sun...*
<3 a not so happy doggy.
p.s. happy valentines day.
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
