I just got back from Jessica's baby shower. I'm so happy that she got everything she needed. =) It was really good to see everyone together again; we even played games!! I had a really good time (yes you might have noticed that I am trying to uppercase the necessary letters from now on... this is SO abnormal for me). Jed, Ben, Jan, Michele, Kate, Nette, Wig, Sha and some other people came to my house after to see Cory! I had to take Sha back to her car at Jayv's house, so I brought Cory along to show Jon and them... he's such a hit everywhere he goes. That little celebrity! Spoiled little punk... hehe. But that's okay. Puppies deserve to be spoiled to a point I suppose. =) Oh and guess what?! I got into UCD. YAYYYY. second acceptance letter. They do have a very specific major for me if I do decide to go there... "Wildlife and Fish Conservation Biology" how perfect does that sound?! It's definitely a possibility.
About that last entry and the supposed "guy of my dreams". When I say the guy of my dreams, I don't mean that he's everything I've ever dreamed of and more. I mean that he just happens to BE, the guy that I daydream about. But.. yeah. about that. WHO AM I KIDDING?! Even though I saw some of his faults, I STILL daydream about this STUPID boy. I really have no utter clue as to WHY I'm doing this. I barely even KNOW this guy! I always get infatuated with boys I don't know because it's so SAFE that way. I never get to know them so they never get to hurt me or I them. But this one, I feel like I don't want it to be safe. Like I actually want to get to know the guy for once. It bothers me so! It seems like such a close and good possibility and yet... NOT. When I'm in this sort of mood... I have to wonder, do I always have to have some pondering for some strange boy who I hardly talk to? hmm.. I remember the last 3 years of my life as a single girl. They've really been some of the happiest and safest times of my life. During those 3 years, I've noticed in the very beginning stage of my singlehood, I rarely ever met the emotion lonliness. In fact, I was PROUD to be single, independent, living life NOT playing the fool. I LOVED the fact that I could depend on myself for anything, and I felt that I was SO emotionally strong. For a year I was so happy that way. Now that it's been so long since I've been close to anybody in that way, I'm really starting to feel the pressures and burns of being single. Pressure from my mom, even some friends... I think they wonder.... "what the heck is wrong with her?!" I guess I would think that about me too after a few years. And now, I really am. I DO wonder what is wrong with me. Although I'm friendly and open to everyone on the outside, most people don't really know what I'm really like. They've never seen me really angry or sad.. I guess I just want to have someone who would be there for me. Some people have told me that I close off relationship potential with boys purposely. I think that's true to some extent... but I mean, I'm not going to just date any guy who comes around my way. Do you know what I mean? I mean that I should get along with the guy. We should probably be friends first before anything. We should have similar interests... I guess I'm so weird that I haven't met many guys who like the same things I do, AND that I enjoy being around. And I think one of the reasons I'm daydreaming about this so called guy of my dreams so much is because I feel that we have a lot of common interests, and I actually am a little attracted to the guy. HOW UNCANNY IS THAT?! Rare for me anyway. Oh I don't know. I just wanted to vent I suppose. I realize I'm only 21 years old and I have my whole life ahead of me, but why does it feel like I'm missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime? I just don't know? Anyway... I'm going to give up on this thought for now. Pondering and yelling at myself isn't going to do me any good. Goodnight you... got tons to study tomorrow and New Song to look forward to.
<3 a cOnfused dOggy.
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
