Gosh!! Why is the whole world against me!! Okay.. maybe not exactly.. but, I just feel like all of the world is nudging me to jump off a cliff. I mean, you know I'm not suicidal or anything, don't take that literally! I just feel so smothered, that I want to get away from everything for a while. I can't believe HOW MUCH my mom nags me nower days. It's seriously unbearable. Today, I was just PISSED OFF, and it seems like lately, whenever I'm home.. that's all that happens. My mom PISSES the heck out of me. Every hour, every second.. there's something to raise her voice about. Yelling at the dog. Yelling at me, at my sisters, at my dad! Yelling, complaining, sitting there with a huge frown on her face. What is UP with that?!!! I can't stand it anymore! I'm pulling my hair out listening to her. Her scream could seriously stop someone's heart. And I for one would like to keep mine!! DAAAAAH!! I know I shouldn't talk so ill about my own mother, but dang.. I just can't hang like this anymore. This just MAKES me want to go somewhere far far away. Not because of my friends, not because of school, not because of anything other than the longing to GET OUT OF HERE. I think it's so weird how my dad is SO passive, and my mom is SO NOT. I mean.. if you have ever seen a korean drama on TV where the mom goes CRAZY with the yelling and screaming.. that sounds like my mom most of the time. Even when I watch it on tv, it reminds me of what it sounds like.. and I just can't stand it!
You know, there used to be a time I think.. when my mom would smile more. I have a feeling I haven't been the best daughter in the world.. but I also feel like I can't always be the person who always always makes her happy. It's draining, but sometimes I feel like I should do it anyway. I don't know.. I'm tired of fighting with my mother like this. I hate this SOUND in our house.. that's right, this HOUSE, not really a HOME. I thought there was hope to be better.. I thought things could be OKAY. That's what I thought.. Maybe I have no patience. I love my mother, I really do. I love to hear her laugh, because it's so much nicer than her scream. I love to see her happy, silly, .. make fun with her. I wonder if it's the rest of us that's making everything so difficult, or her? I guess it's a little of both. She just seems like a completely different person when she's happy and when she's upset. I wish I could go back to the days when I was younger, and I could run to my mother and really really genuinely want to be near her. When my dad could actually give me a hug. Those days seem so far away from me now.
<3 Karen
P.S. I know this is going to come off the wrong way.. and maybe it's just the mood I'm in right now.. but I think it's so annoying when strangers try to talk to you online. I mean, REALLY TRY TO TALK TO YOU. If there was common ground, it would be okay you know? EVen fun. Because I met my friend John that way and we get along well! That was a rarity. But... other people.. or I mean, people you meet online.. You usually don't blabber to them, b/c you have no idea who the heck they are. Another thing that bothers me is that.. it's like all these dumb guys trying so hard to talk to ONLY girls online. It's like, they're only being friendly in the hopes to actually meet you one day or something. Do they ever talk to other BOYS they don't know online?? I mean, as friends.. MOST LIKELY NOT! So it makes it seem all the more FAKE when they try to talk to me and/or other girls. There's no real genuine friendship behind anything. I mean, it's so stupid! They talk to like a million girls online, and they're like.. "what's your name again?". It's really REALLY sad to see and talk to people like that.. and they KEEP trying to IM you and stuff, and honestly, I think it's just annoying. I'm seriously never going to give out my AIM to strangers ever again!! I thought I could actually meet people who could kind of understand, or be friends or what not.. but really, they just want to talk to anything that doesn't have a penis online. Which is REALLY FULLY LAME. Tell me if I was being harsh. I don't think so at all. This is an example of how lame it has been to talk to strangers online, and why I'm most likely NEVER going to give out my AIM to strangers again!!
STRANGER: hey so when ya gonna give me my free pass to the Zoo
ME: i dont have a free pass?
STRANGER: ya know im counting on ya for that...and btw...my Bdayz coming up soon
STRANGER: :-D
STRANGER: haha...well we'll just assume that u'll pass the exams and that u'll become a zoologist...
STRANGER: so what's ur name again? been a while
ME: karen
STRANGER: thatz right...
STRANGER: so karen...tell me how do i make ya smile or laugh?
ME: uhh, what do u mean?
STRANGER: Are ya a shy person?
ME: nope
STRANGER: really...so how would a girl like urself entertain a shy boy like me?
ME: why would i need to entertain you?
STRANGER: its just a ? ...i mean if ur not shy...i just watned to see what ur response would be
ME: i dont understand your question
ME: my question is.. WHY would I need to entertain YOU for?
STRANGER: it was simply a ? typed to see ur response...
STRANGER: Seen any good movies lately?
COULD THIS GUY HAVE BEEN ANYMORE LAME THAN HE ALREADY WAS???! SPARE ME.
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
