Can life be any worse when you live with a pissed off parent who is constantly and consistently nagging at you left and right? I'm so pissed off right now and yeah.. you guessed which parent it is that I so despise at the moment. My very own oh so wonderful mother. I swear, she's such a pain in the ass sometimes. I'm pretty damn mad right now. She drives me CRAZY. She nit picks about the stupidest shit ever. If there were a contest title for sweating the small stuff, my mother would be the winner, no doubt about it. Hands down. WTF????! I seriously cannot handle her crap right now. Sometimes I think she belongs in some kind of mental institution. The way she screams and throws things around. WTF is that? What kind of crazy does she become when she isn't able to control her anger? I fucking hate it. How the hell can I show her any damn respect, when she doesn't fucking respect me either. I don't give a damn if she birthed me into this world, it wasn't my damn choice to be here. I hope more than anything in this world, that when I grow older, I am NOTHING like my mother. I hate to say this, but I'm going to say it anyhow because I am so DAMN bitter right now. I see nothing of myself in her and I can view none of her characteristics to be something I can look up to. Plain and simple, she's a madwoman with more than enough problems to spare. All she ever does is yell, scream, and complain at us. I have to wonder, does my mother ever have a good day? Does it make her feel better when she puts on a show in front of guests? Stop being so damn fake. Freaking A, I am so pissed off right now!!!
The dreams of our fathers, mothers, parents, whatever.. Bullshit. Bullshit to that! Funny thing. Tonight I went to watch The Manchurian Candidate with Ben and Danny. Perfect prime example of a damn crazy mother wanting their children to live out their own dreams that couldn't afford to fill. It pisses me off that old people can still be that damn ignorant. For my situation, I understand it's culture separation, it's generation separation, it's time separation. It's like we're worlds apart in so many ways, but I'm so tired of this. I can't even think anymore. It took everything I had inside of me not to yell back at her. I just sat back and gritted my teeth through the ride. Grin and bear it goes the saying.. and grin and bear it I did and have been doing. I can't wait.... to get the fuck out of here, and there's no doubt, that she doesn't want me here either. Me or the damn dog (which was her idea to obtain to begin with). I didn't ask for any of this shit. I didn't ask for Cory, I didn't ask to live in this family with this kind of emotional torture. I didn't ask to be birthed and be here. So why the hell am I here.. pulling out my hair, wanting to punch my own mom in the face?
I'm just gonna study my butt off this year, have B of A pay for my school, and get the hell out of here ASAP. There is no compromise with my mom. I might be just pissed off for the moment. I know I don't really hate my own mother. Yet this burning desire to leave this wretched place isn't dying out anytime soon.
a <3 less entry, Karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
