Hey love! How's everything? I've been nothing but a lazy slob all day. I just finished watching Win a Date with Tad Hamilton because I was incredibly bored. Or else I would have never watched it I swear!! Although the movie plot, screen play, acting, lines, etcetera were amazingly horrid, there still were some moments that I could capture and think about. One of those moments I thought about was when the bartendar asks the defeated boy who plays part in a love triangle.. "Is it love, big love, or great love?" She then goes on to explain that love is the kind you get over in 2 months, big love you get over in 2 years, and that great love changes your life. Now what kind of sick question is this?! I mean.. you must be joking me. I guess I take everything too literally because I don't think love is just the kind you get over in 2 months. I mean.. I would call that another term, infatuation maybe? I don't know why that made me mad. It just made me realize even more how much people just throw that word around like it's just a word, no strings attached. Bottom line! Love is love, and there is no explainable amount that measures it up to what is really is. It's tremendous, it's great, it's always the last of the bartendar's choice. How can one say that they have not been changed by love? Of course, I've been changed by many other things. Love is not the only one held responsible. But love lost and/or gained does change a person. Hopefully, whether gone or not, it changes you for the better in the long run.. people just have to come to terms with that and things might be okay. Problem is, people aren't willing to do that. It's hard to forgive. It's hard to accept a lesson with open arms.. don't I know it. Don't we ALL know it.
"After the rain always comes the sun. After darkness always comes the glorious dawn. There is no sorrow without its alloy of joy. There is no joy without its mixture of sorrow. Behind the ugly terrible mask of Misfortune lies the beautiful soothing countenance of Prosperity. So, tear the mask."
So forgive and be rid of your mask. Everyone has one. If you don't, I promise you that you will be endowed with one soon enough. Certainly, do it on your own scheduled time and only if it's genuine.. It's doable I promise you...
I was going to go to the beach with some of the kids today, but I decided against it b/c I don't want to be dark anymore and die of skin cancer. I only left the house once to go to NewSong, and I almost felt like a criminal there. Like I don't belong... I know that it's my fault and it can't be put on anyone else. Everything I've done and decided on in my life was and is my choice. Influenced by many, decided by one. I just don't know where I stand with God right now at this point and time in my life. How can I claim to be something that I'm not living by? I refuse to be mediocre. I know I can't be perfect, but I still feel that I'm wrong. Today, Sebastian did the sermon and he told us.. If you think that God is telling you something but you're not sure what his response is.. then serve. The first thing that caught my eye in the sermon bulletin was the CAM (creative arts ministry) for volunteers. I also noticed the note that said "free pizza". hehe. But I swear that's not why I went.. Anyhow! I felt a little weird because I was the only girl there. Apparently, what they need people for is stage production and set up. So it's a lot of moving stuff around. I guess that's why it was all boys! They tried to reassure me that there is one other girl who was just not there today. Hmm.. Comforting!!! Not really... >_< I mean, I don't mind. I'm kind of used to it I guess. I just got the feeling that they were laughing at me on the inside that's all! Anyhow.. So I'm going to try that.. and see if God is talking to me. I wonder if it's me that's gone deaf in the ears or if it's God..
Saturday was Vanissa's Birthday, so Me, Ben, birthday mom, dad, and Jon went to eat Korean BBQ after half of us went to San Diego to finalize Ben's move in. There was a ... slight complication in the beginning, but it was okay after that. Korean BBQ was SOOO yummy! Remind me next time to NOT get salad b/c it did a good job of tricking me into believing I was full. Damn salad! hehe. Afterwards, me and Bear went to Ikea to check out the As-Is Section to see if we could find any cheap stuff b/c we are cheap poor college students! I went to go see KB after that, and I had a Torta for the first time ever and I have to say that it was pretty good! We hung out with his buddy Nigha again at the apt and I watched the boys play guitar. It made me really want to learn!!
There's a bonfire tomorrow that I'm going to go to so I'm excited to see some old buddies! It's been so nice to NOT have to worry about school. I know when it rolls around though, I'm going to have to be really serious about my work. I gotta be diciplined! It's all about time management.. and I'm really going to have to kick it into gear with this new job at the bank and all.
All right Tobes, I'm off to have dinner, attempt to get along with mother, read a bit and I'm off to bed with thoughts of my KB. I miss him so much. How is it that one person can do this to another?! It befuddles me. Isn't it funny how these things walk into your life at the strangest times... Isn't it strange how one person can make you feel things that you thought were long gone... turn your world inside out... and make you so happy? Of course these are the good times.. I wish it could always be this way.
<3 Karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
