Work was hectic today. We were busy like no other because the merchant tellers forgot what time they started work! So guess who had to be the merchant teller for the morning? Me! o_O It was scary buying all that coin and loose bills. So yeah.. work was craziness.
Speech class was fun as usual. My teacher is seriously a fabulous teacher. I love to stress how much I love a teacher when I get one. Usually I'm not a big fan of females either. Not just in a teacher, but in every aspect. Actually, I shouldn't say that. I have a lot of female friends, and I really do enjoy being around them, it's just that.. I noticed that IN GENERAL, I fare much better off with males than females. But that's not to say that I don't have girl friends, or don't like meeting girls or anything like that. I know a lot of girls I genuinely like. There are just certain qualities about some girls (that I just happen to only see in girls) that just get on my nerves. Of course it goes the other way as well. There certain things about guys, that are annoying as well. People are just annoying in general and well, SO AM I! So you just learn to live and accept, realizing.. HEY, everyone, including I, can be annoying from time to time. and there is NOTHING, wrong with that. If you're sitting there, denying this, saying.. I'm not annoying ever! You are DAMN wrong.
So today, I went up to the guy who did his speech on the bible and asked him a few questions about the bible, evolution, etcetera, etcetera. I am constantly on the lookout on different opinions on this matter. He's a swell guy, but unfortunately, like everyone else I've asked, didn't know too much about the matter. Looks like I'm on my way to emailing science professors from Christian universities to get their opinion. It just seems like the ideal place to get such an opinion no? Then, on the other side, I have my bio book debating the other. After talking with him though, on my drive home, I felt like I should try to talk to God. Not to confess my sins, and not to ask for forgiveness, and not to remind myself that he exists to me. I just simply had a need to self evaluate my relationship with him. Things were so different a few months back. I never thought that things would turn out like this. It's not so much about the way that I'm living, but more about how much I don't seem to care for any of it anymore. But it's not that I don't care. It's that I don't SHOW any care for it. And because of that, I've slowly forgotten about Truth, my beliefs, and all that was important to me. Forgotten might be too strong. It's more like.. I've put in on the back shelf and it's now collecting dust. Or, I've just set myself at cruise control going the pace of the world's fastest snail at my relationship with God. It's confusing and I don't really know what to do or how to deal with it. I want answers. Of some kind. Of any kind.
TOmorrow: Gym. Study with John John and Jordana. Exchange things with Jung. Errands. Maybe study with KB. Live a little. Die a little. And as I walk through life.. I simply remember,
Gain and loss, praise and blame. Pleasure, pain, dishonor, fame; all come and go like wind and rain.
Remember that when you are high off a good day. Remember that when you're lower than dirt. Don't boast, for you are no better than the other. Don't be too proud. Remember that you like who you are, faults and all. Don't dream the person you wish to be, cause while you are busy doing that, you're just wasting the person that you actually are. Remember to be content. Just simply be yourself. 99.
<3 Karen
"Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems I don't know where to start
Cause I still believe in your faithfulness,
Cause I still believe in your Truth,
Cause I still believe in your holy word,
Even when I don't see, I still believe."
WHOOPS! Almost forgot.
Adorable.
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
