Hey love. Now that I have finished the ochem test and given my special occasion speech.. I can settle my thoughts on the finer things in life. Such as, my serious emotional issues that I can't seem to loose. I know that I have some things that I have yet to work out in my brain. But the thing is, I don't know if I CAN work it out. I thought I dropped this heavy baggage off a long time ago, but there are days when I feel it affecting me. Creeping up on my life when I least expect it. I tell myself to not sweat the small stuff, I tell myself to just be happy. I tell myself, I SHOULD be happy. I know that everyone has uncertainties, and everyone has ups and downs.. but when I'm down, I'm truly down and it's hard to seek positivity when you EXPECT the bad to come knocking your door down.
I guess that I don't think that it's possible. I think that it can't be true. It simply cannot be done. I just can't believe it. No matter what my eyes see, no matter what evidence is thrown; no evidence is stronger than your own past experiences. I thought that I might be able to knock down those barriers that hold me down, but I JUST CAN'T DO IT. It's too much for me and I don't even want to THINK about handling it. What can I do Tobey? What can I do..
I am tired of being the way that I am. I know I'm stuck. Not wanting to move forward or go back. How can I change? How can I go on? Am I really just going to crawl backwards and deteriorate instead of progress.. I guess I don't really want to do either. I wish so many things. Good night.
<3 Karen
Fiona Apple again. I know it. I'm just going to stuff myself silly. Bye.
You creep up like the clouds
And you set my soul at ease
Then you let your love abound
And you bring me to my knees
It�s evil babe,
The way you let your grace enrapture me
When, well, you know, I�d be insane
To ever let that dirty game recapture me
Oh, your gaze is dangerous
And you fill your space so sweet
If I let you get too close
You�ll set your spell on me
So, darling, I just want to say
Just in case I don�t come through
I was on to every play
I just wanted you
But, it�s so evil, my love,
The way you�ve no reverence to my concern
So, I�ll be sure to stay wary of you love,
To save the pain of once my flame and twice my burn
You made me a shadowboxer, baby
I wanna be ready for what you do
I been swinging all around me
cause I don�t know when you�re gonna make your move
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
