Hey. So, after the rain, always comes the sun eh? The rain has passed!! I feel better. Sarah and I walked Cory to her school to pick up her books from her locker. It was pretty fun. I mean, she can actually TALK now. Sounds kinda mean, but it's just the truth. I mean. I've always loved her, no doubt about it. She's my sister for goodness sake! We just get along better now that's all.
I know what I have to do. Might be hard to do it, but I've gotta give it a go. Wish me luck!! I'm bad at these things. It might work, it might not. It really all depends.
I'm pretty burnt out, but I still crap to do for speech. You know, giving speeches hasn't been all that bad so far. I mean, we did do all the easy and fun ones.. now we're doing the more serious topics that are much longer. And I'm not exactly what you would call the world's greatest speaker. Some people just aren't meant to speak in public, and I am one of those!!! I'm pretty bad, but I try. >_< Oh, what to do...
Isn't is the weirdest thing when you talk to someone you haven't talked to or seen in what seems like forever? It's strange how one person moves on and the other seems to be stuck. In this particular situation, it was me that has moved forward. I have no regrets in life, because even when things were mistakes in the end, I gained so much knowledge from the experience. There are just some things in life that you cannot learn from books, or gossip, or by any other method but experience. Although I have had bad experiences, I don't regret having them because it opened my eyes to a little reality. However, a side effect to bad experiences for me has been that it really keeps me doubtful of everything. In some senses, this is good. In others, this is totally bad. I'm always on my toes with my emotions, and I feel like I should take care of them and protect them in any way necessary.
The whole reason I started talking about this is because, there has been one time in my life where I was the one who made the bad impact on the other person. I was the one who broke their heart. Everything after that, it's like I was getting it all back double whammy. After that, I have had trouble "leaving" relationships. Sometimes, even when I really knew what was better for me. I hate being the "bad guy". But, there was one situation where I did play that role. It's weird because I let everything go of every one of my past relationships. I'm either on good terms or friends with all of my exes. Not that I have that many, but you know what I mean. However, there is one where I feel that I should maybe... stay away from. Not because I don't like them as a person, but because I'm not certain of what they are thinking. I don't want to give any ideas. Not only that, but if there is something still there on the other side that they still haven't fully let go of, how can we be friends? And this is not something that I have any control over. I can't be the one to help them let go of things of the past. These kind of things, you really have to do on your own.
For me, I pretty much despise self-pity for too long of a time. I do go through moments, or days of where I am sad and feel bad about myself, but after the days pass, I feel like I know what to do. Even during those bad days, I realize life goes on. Not only does life go on, but it gets better. I know this. I know I have a future. I know it will be a hard process for me to go through, but I'm certain that no matter what happens or what experiences I go through, I will even eventually get married and have a family life. It may be tough for me to actually get there, but I'm sure I can do it. So I just really hope, that this person can do it. To let go fully, and realize there is a much better and brighter future. I know that everything in the end with us was my bad. But it has been, an awfully long time. I'm sorry to this person for hurting them, but I also hope that they learned something from the experience as I did.
Honestly? I learned to be certain of what I say. I know now, that you can't just claim things based on what you are feeling "at the moment". Moments are moments. Feelings are just mere feelings. Just because you feel something doesn't mean that you should go jumping to conclusions. And when people are young.. Don't believe everything that they say. I learned some good things as well, but it's not REALLY a good thing.. I can't really explain it on here. It wouldn't be right. It makes me sad to realize such things.
I learned that almost everything people say or do.. is because it's "in the moment". When you take that into consideration, it's pretty unreliable the things that come flying out of people's mouths. You just gotta be careful. Girls, don't be fooled. The same to you men! And to both sexes, be careful what you say. When you think that you are really certain of something. Suck all the good emotions out of that thought and what do you have left? Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
I watch people and notice things. Sadness is normal and everyone feels this emotion. What makes the difference is.. What kind phrase do you hear yourself telling you?
"I hate waking up to a new day. My life sucks."
"Mondays suck! Mondays are always bad days."
"I'm having a bad day today! But I know I'll get over it soon."
and this may come as a shock to you (because it came as a shock to me).
"Everyday is a good day!"
I have had people tell me that. Isn't that funny? I mean, I think it's great, but.. well.. maybe they are exaggerating how happy they are feeling.. Not sure. Anyways.. which sentence can you find yourself correlating to most of the time? For me, I'm the third one. Life isn't perfect. I don't always get what I want. I think that I have more good days than bad however. I think I'm more of a survivor than suicidal in emotional thoughts. I put money on this quote!
"Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger."
I don't believe in things like "it wasn't meant to be" or fate, or destiny. You make your own destiny with the decisions that you make. You are not a puppet in your own life. If anyone makes that suggestion, then first realize that YOU are the puppeter as well!!
Last thing. You have one life to live. Make it good. Who cares about all the material crap. The $500.00 purses, shoes, clothes, car, whatever. Material shit will never make you happy. Money makes the world run, but don't let it run your life. Don't be envious of other people for their looks or what they posess. I've said this before but I'll say it again.
To dream the person you wish to be, is to waste the person that you are.
I'm not saying be concieted and think you are better than others. I'm saying, love yourself for who you are, not who you wish you were. You are soley unique, and everyone has their own beauty. I'm not talking about beauty that is compared or has to be critqued. It's so arbitrary.
I can't believe I started writing about all this stuff just because of a single conversation. It wasn't really even a conversation. Then my train of thought just went blasting off into a million directions. Sorry about that! Anyways, I just really wish the best for this person. Unfortunately there is nothing I can do for them to make anything better or easier. I just hope they can find it in themselves the strength to realize that there is something better for them out there.
Okay, I've been up wayy too long and this has been much too long! I away myself to sleep.
<3 Karen
P.S. I love my koala icon! I love it when he says.. "*SIGH* ahhh, Australia!" It's so damn funny. Or when he kisses and says "What a Sheila!" haha. Or his crazy laugh. Or ... okay. I'm serious ending this NOW. NOW!!!
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
