I feel like spewing my emotions out. Because I really don't know where else to put them. I'm supposed to be getting ready to go out with the girls, but right now, this is all that is on my mind. I miss the first days. The first days when our friendship was so good. And you were nice to me, and I to you. If I've done something wrong to you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Maybe you don't care anymore. Maybe you think that I did too many wrong things. I think that you may be right about that, but who doesn't make mistakes? Who here is perfect? Who here has the ability to make EVERYONE happy..? I can't do it. I don't know what to do to make things better. It seems like nothing. Because I have seriously been calling you everyday, and I get this response that is just BLANK and cold.
Even though that you are just the type of person that likes to push things. And you know what I mean. What about when I didn't want to be friends with you? You called me a million times and forced me into friendship. What about when we fight at your house and I try to leave and you make me stay. It's just how you are. I know that.
But I'm not like that. I won't barge into your life when you don't want me there. Believe me, this is the LAST thing I want to do. Throw this all away. Throw away our friendship like it doesn't matter. I don't even understand how you can just walk away from our friendship like it's shit. Maybe it's different to you, but it's not shit to me. I might be busy. My life might have changed in significant ways, but I'm still the same person and I still care about you exactly the same. I've always cared about you regardless of what you think.
I know that you probably HATE me posting this, but I don't care because I'm so hurt right now. I don't know how to GET THROUGH to you.
I can't just keep saying sorry over and over again when you refuse to accept my apologies. I'm not going to be the perfect friend. I'm not the perfect anything. But I am your friend. And I do care about you. No more and no less than the day we realized that you and I know each other so well. And if you know me so well, then you should know how I feel about this friendship and what I'm willing to do for it.
If you don't want to be my friend.. what can I do. It hurts to think that, but I can't force you to be my friend. If you don't want to talk to me anymore.. I can't make you. I'm so disappointed to imagine us NOT being friends.
Don't you know me well enough by now? Don't you know that I'm sorry for the things I did and don't you know that I learn from my mistakes? Don't you care about me enough to forgive me.
<3 Karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
