Hi love. I'm feeling..... stressed. Just went to get dinner with a friend of mine today, and everything was just bad. I don't know how we got to this point of absolute nonsense, but I think that we are both very tired of it. It seems like neither of us has any problems with any other people except ourselves; which I find very odd.
I feel like I have a friendship with this person that is very controlled. I want to sit here and disect all the reasons for why our friendship is so fucking bad, but I'm just tired and I don't understand. I don't want to understand anymore. I just want everything to just be OKAY. I just want you to stop talking to me like I'm shit, acting like I'm shit, just plain stop treating me like shit. You told me today that you're not mad, but all of your words denied your actions. It's getting to the point where I am really questioning our friendship. It's not like I WANT to give up on it. I want us to be friends for the rest of our lives like we said we would be. I think it's worth it, and yeah, I want you to put up a fight for it and stop fighting me. I know that you think I'm annoying and you want me to do what YOU think is right for me. I know that you have little to no patience with who I am, and sometimes you just want me to shut the fuck up, and so you decide to just tell me so, but do you really expect someone to be OKAY with that?! No, I am NOT okay with that! I'm sorry for what I've said to you and I'm sorry that I annoy you so, but I'm NOT sorry for being who I am and making decisions for myself. We're not always going to agree, and when we don't, I don't want you to get upset because I didn't do what you wanted me to do.
Friendship is not about being another parent. I am not your mother, and I don't expect you to take the place of my father either. I just would like you to be there for me. And even if the choices I make turn out to be drastic mistakes, so what? Let me learn from them on my own. I think it's great if you give me advice, but I don't think it's anyone's place but my own to make the decisions of my life, however petty they may be.
I'm just fucking tired of doing this same thing over and over again. I keep telling you how I feel, but it's like you're deaf to my pleas. There is no compromise between us EVER. There is just chaos or happiness. There is no middle ground. I would just like to meet you half way, if you could just TRY.
<3 Karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
