Hi sweetheart.. last week was such a burn out from tests. Everything was so hectic. For some reason I feel like that tired feeling just kind of lasped over from last week and I still have it leeching onto me. I don't know if it's tiredness I'm feeling.. or if I'm just in a sullen mood. All right... I give up. I know me so well that I already know it's not all from school work. It's already a given that I'm quite content with life, I'm not depressed or anything like that either. There are just moments, as everyone (or most) people have from time to time, that just won't let me be.
There are some people that remain in my conscious and I know that there's nothing I can do about their residence in my mind. There's also absolutely no action on my end that I plan to take to change things or "make things better". I can't mend this. People simply cannot change other people directly. What bothers me is that, by actions, this person that I truly care about, doesn't really seem to be affected. In my eyes, I don't feel that I'm the one who shattered the friendship. I wanted to compromise. I wanted this to work. But I don't think friendship is a one-way lane, especially in terms of being respectful. I could go on and on about all the things I felt hurt by and etcetera etcetera, but it doesn't really matter anymore I guess. And I'm sure the person on the other side can spew out a list of horrid things about me as well, but what does it all matter now anyway? Eventually I'll let it go in heart, but it's hard you know? There's no need to bullshit and pretend when the persons involved are fully aware of the situation.
I think I put up a good fight for our friendship. I'm just feeling sad about it that's all. It's a strange thing to be going on about your normal daily activities and it suddenly dawns on you what's happening. Sometimes it's old, like a memory that you can only faintly remember. Sometimes, it's fresh. Ripe, like we just spoke harshly to each other only yesterday. Sometimes the pain is deep and sharp, and other times it feels like a dull, numbing feeling and I know I'm tired of this foolish game. I know why I chose the path I did, but sometimes I wonder if they even know why they choose what they did. I do hope they are happy with it.
When I get over you
You'll wonder who I am
I go home to the coast
It starts to rain
I paddle out on the water
Alone
Taste the salt
Taste the pain
I'm not thinking of you again
Summer dies and swells rise
The sun goes down in my eyes
See this rolling wave
Darkly coming
To take me
Home
And I've never been so alone
And I've never been so alive [3eb]
"l'espirt de l'escalier."
<3 Karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
