Hi love. It's been... exhausting. I feel drained of physical energy, mental energy, and now I feel drained of my emotions. Last night I went to Highlands with Mary Anne, Brian, Michael, Joy and Maxine. It was fun but my stomach started to hurt and I felt like crap. My hypothesis is that I felt like crap because I did not eat prior to drinking. Ergo, I shall always eat before drinking!! We didn't go to sleep until 3:30 am. Where a few hours later passed and I had to wake up at 7:45 to go to work.
Made it to work just barely on time. Then at work, our computers crash on us. So I have customers that are going around shooting the messengers (that would be us tellers) about why they hate Bank of America, why they think it's gay that we can't cash a check in full because we can't verify the funds, etcetera etcetera. I think that really ruined my day. I was so pissed. I wanted to shoot somebody. It's not our faults the computers went down! Why the fuck do people shoot the messeger?!!! It irates me.
After work we had our holiday work dinner at Bucca, which was actually pretty fun. Joey and I went to Target prior to and got some pretty good presents for the White Elephant game we played. I ended up with the worst present in the lot but that's beside the point. I really could care less about that. After dinner I went to Joy's house to meet with the invert zoo kids to study a bit and watch Zoolander, which I fell asleep for most of because I was so tired! I came home early to hang out with Mr. Pie because I haven't really been able to spend time with him this weekend.. so I felt bad.
Now it seems like the night is ending with a feeling of tension and high strung emotions running about. I always wonder if I'm doing something wrong... or if I'm wrong for feeling the way I do? Or if THIS just is all wrong.. Like mismatched puzzle pieces trying desperately to be fitted together. I'm tired of being asked what I'd like to have, or what I want. Why? Because why should that affect anyone else's decision? Why isn't there this longing or desire to do things on their own? I don't understand it. I guess it's because I have the strong desire to do things because I WANT TO. I really genuinely want to. If there is no desire there... is it real? Is any of it real? Do I think it's real because I want so badly for it to be real? What is that saying about the other person? What does this say about me? I really have no idea.
...today there is no day or night
today there is no dark or light
today there is no black or white
only shades of grey...
<3 Karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
