Well, it's Valentine's Day, or Single Awareness Day if you'd rather. The topic of many people's diaries, journals, blogs, xangas, etcetera, etcetera. I hope I can say what I want to say without sounding like a total hypocrite. I've never really cared about Valentine's Day. I've always thought that Valentine's Day was actually kind of silly because I was always under the impression that a lot of girls ASK for flowers and ballons and what not. So I guess I think it's silly to MAKE someone buy stuff for you.. because I feel that wouldn't really be from the heart. And... isn't that the point? And I still think that. With any present, on any occasion.. what's the POINT, if it's not genuinely given?
On the other side.. I like flowers. I looove candy. I like daisies to be exact. I guess I got tired of seeing roses from high school and the early college years. And I think in a way, I took Valentine's Day for granted because all of my former boyfriends always sent something on that day, or came by, or whatever. So I didn't care about it. I don't know if that makes sense? Then I was single for 3 years, so I didn't celebrate Valentine's Day in any way or form during those single years. Except maybe one year I got flowers from some guy. I forget who even gave them to me. Anyways, that's not the point. The point is! Today, I felt a little bad about not getting flowers. And it's really, really, REALLY odd that I feel this way. Because! I never really cared about getting flowers. And also because I always thought that I didn't need stuff like that. I always thought that I don't need any of those "romantic" gestures. I guess I always believed that I was not a needy person. It's SO weird to me that I want all these things now. Still, I stand by my firm belief of not asking for presents/things/items/thoughts/etcetera no matter how inexpensive or expensive because I think if you ask for something.. then they've just gone and done it because you simply said so. That may not always be entirely true, but in someways, in a lot of ways, it remains true.
So I didn't want to ask Michael for anything because of that belief. And in some weird way, I was hoping a tiny bit he'd do it on his own even though I KNOW he would never. It's not his fault that he's not a romantic person and I'm not blaming him for anything. He can't be what he's not. And I won't mold him to fit my ways. That's not fair. He was also super busy and stressed from his two midterms he's going to have on Wed. and Fri. We were originally going to have dinner or just hang out, but we canceled it because of his tests. Or he said we could celebrate it another day.. but I mean.. I guess I thought, what's the point? Since we're going to see each other no matter what and probably eat anyway! So I said we wouldn't celebrate it.
I think I'm just feeling this way because I had to go to work today and people had flowers, and etcetera etcetera. I don't think I was being envious. I think it just reminded me about how I want such things now. How I actually DO LIKE romantic things once in a while.. not necessarily on Valentine's Day and certainly not all the time, but just once a blue moon would be nice. But I can't get that out of Michael because he's not a romantic guy in any way. I think that he can be thoughtful, but I wouldn't label him romantic. I don't think he understands the whole.. female fascination with flowers and such. Especially since my fascination with flowers just recently developed. He's just such a guy's guy with no feminine side. And.... what can I do about it? Nothing really! Just accept it is all I can do. I guess I just wanted to let it all out somewhere.
It's a really good thing that he does not read you Tobey, or else I would probably get forced flowers sometime in the future, and I would really hate that. o_O
<3 Karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
