This entry is going to be somewhat about a retarded fellow named Darren Yamaki. I'm writing about him to prove to him that I write about him! hehe.
Actually, he and I had a very good talk right now. It was a good talk because I was able to just.. regurgitate my inside emotional junk to him. I hardly do this. I mean.. I guess this was my one "secret". I don't feel like I have a lot of secrets because I don't feel like anything is personal in my life because, well, why should it be? I'm not ashamed of anything I've done... and there are no reasons for secrets. People say I should keep certain things secrets... even KB!
They tell me I shouldn't tell people that I don't shower everyday.
That I don't shave my legs during the winter.
That I don't always brush my teeth.
That Cory eats my pantyliners and tampons when he has unauthorized access to them.
That I pick my nose and wipe it on the side of my car seat.
I guess some people would find this information somewhat offensive if they did not know me. I guess my thought on that is... if they are going to be so ignorant to judge me based on things like that, that I don't have any qualms about people knowing, then I've no reason to continue the conversation, or get to know the person. I shouldn't judge either, but I'd be lying if I didn't think they were being arrogant for thoughts like that. To be honest with you, I've almost never been treated differently because of saying information of that nature. I might get a raised eyebrow, or "are you serious?", or a laugh. Sometimes I think it's a laugh of disgust, pity, or humor. I really don't know. I simply don't care if that information is public to the world, because that's me. That's who I am. However, that is not ALL me. I mean, it's not like I sit there and pick my boogers all day. I think there are good and bad things about me as with everyone else, and I don't care if people know both of the factors concerning who I am and what I do at times. I don't think I keep much about my personal stuff from other people either.. That I've been cheated on. That I hate my mom sometimes because she screams at me like a madwoman. That I'm sad, mad, angry, happy.. If you ask me, I will tell you. I don't have a good memory, so if I took lying to routine, I'd forget which lies were what and to whom and where and why. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
However, there was this one thing. And it's mainly because it involved another party, and they could come out feeling embarassed. And I wasn't sure how open minded people would think on our situation. So I didn't tell a soul. Not even you. The only persons that knew.. were the ones involved. End of story. I'm not sure why it was that I felt compelled to just spill it all to Darren, but I simply did. And you know what? I feel good. It's such a RELIEF that someone else knows and I know that they know! It's like I'm no longer carrying the burden on my back as a lone traveler. It's nice that someone else knows. But I won't divulge in the gory details here. I don't want to embarass anyone.. but it's something I still think about sometimes.. that I wonder if I made the right decision on. You know.. it's like.. maybe I let it go too easily. Or.. maybe I didn't make them earn anything back. Or.. maybe I'm not sure. Definitions of certain words not being the same or whatnot.. I still wonder sometimes. And I guess it's just because I don't want to play the fool. It's terribly hard sometimes. But it's so GOOD to know that I got a second opinion and that my thoughts weren't of the crazy. So.. Thanks Darren. I really don't think I could have chosen a better person to tell.
Good night Tobey! Good night world.
<3 Karen
P.S. Love is relative.
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
