My last final tomorrow... then I'm free!!!! For a week anyway. =P And of course, during that time I will become a slave to the bank. Yay. =/
So.... KB is here at my place for 5 weeks doing his internship in Pomona. I mean, his house is relatively close by, so he can go back whenever he wants, but for the most part, he'll be staying with me for the term of the internship. What's funny is that I begged him to try and get an internship in Pomona so he could come and stay with me. So he did. And now he's here. And it's weird as hell to me. It's only been what? Two days? And it's not like we haven't spent days together. We certainly have. But just the knowing of him staying here for a prolonged period of time, makes things different. In a strange, strange way, I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I mean, on the weekdays when I'm in school, I look forward to seeing Mike on the weekends. Some days after school I'll go and see him, and I look forward to that. But now it's like... "oh.. you're here already." And that in itself is weird. And you probably think I'm weird for thinking that, and I do too!!! I'm not really saying it's a bad thing. I just don't really know what to make of it. I asked him if he feels weird about it, and he said no.
I also noticed that he's a bit different around me now that we're sort of semi trying to "live together". I think he's more.. lethargic?! I mean, he's always been a calm guy, but I think because we don't see each other everyday normally, we are at least a little excited to see each other. But now that I'm going to see him every freaking day, it's NOT exciting. Does that make any sense? Like I said before... it's like.. "oh... you are already here." I know I make it sound bad, but it's not really really like that. I guess I was just not expecting myself to feel this way.
He's so stable and seems to know everything already. And I'm so... surprised by everything all the time. I hate to say it, but, like a little girl. I don't view myself as immature, and I actually do think I'm fairly mature. But I think there is a difference between being mature and experiencing things. And I think I'm definitely experiencing something right now. I think you can still be mature but continue to learn things. My question is.. am I learning something about myself? About Michael? About our relationship? What is it that I'm learning?
We've talked about moving in together before, but for sure we weren't going to seriously consider doing anything remotely close until at the least he was done with school, which would be in about a year from now. To me, this is like a preview of what things would be like. To see if we can get along and actually live contently amongst each other. I don't know if I'm supposed to become used to this, or if this is the way things are always going to be. To be honest with you, it scares me. I guess it's because I have such dreams about love and being in love. I know this sounds really silly and cheesy, but that's my only real goal in life. Of course I have other goals like going to vet school, making lifelong friends, family and a career... but for me, the most important one is a real, genuine love. I'm not saying those other goals aren't important to me. They are SO important to me. All of them. But this is the one that I dream the most about. I know that everybody has different goals, so I hope you would understand mine is probably different from a lot of peoples and similar to other peoples as well. I guess I'd always hoped that I'd find someone who had the same dream as I did. That would make things ten hundred times easier huh? I just feel that our dreams are different at times. I don't know if that's bad or good or negotiable or WHAT. Okay sweetheart... I shall go for tonight. I should worry about the final tomorrow and NOT this.
<3 Karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
