Hi love... I woke up this morning feeling empty. I thought about some of the future plans that Mike and I had made that we hadn't yet gotten to and now never will. It made me feel so sad that I really thought that those things would happen. I looked forward to these events.. planned for some of them, and now they are just gone. I hate the fact that every morning when I wake up... the first thing I think about is Mike. From the first day I fell in love, that's really how it was for me. I woke up and I always thought about Mike. I don't think that's going to go away until I get over him.
I know this sounds mean, but I hate how I suffer so much after love is lost. But Mike isn't like that. Once he decides something, he doesn't dwell in thought or pain. He just gets over it. He says that he is sad inside, but doesn't show it. Totally the opposite of me in that sense. So while I'm hurting and crying through this whole process... he's already over it. It makes me mad that he got over it so fast because I felt the love we had was real. Isn't it worth being a little sad over? Doesn't our relationship deserve some tears or pain? I know Mike and I had a discussion before we even broke up about this... because I noticed how he was.. and I know he works differently than most people in times of sadness... but I feel that it's so unfair. That I've been cheated out of emotion.
I have to think about the bad aspects of our relationship... and see that those were the things that caused it to end. I have to see that Mike's love for me wasn't genuine in the end, because it didn't last. I have to not let every little damn thing remind me of Mike and how much I love him. I just want to stop crying and feeling so miserable.
<3 Karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
