Hi love! I don't know how I'm feeling this happy right now when I have a presentation tomorrow, a mammalogy midterm, another midterm Wednesday and three more papers to write by Friday! I guess it's because I see what I was supposed to see a long time ago. It's very uplifting when you succeed at something you've been trying at for so long. And you know... you KNOW when you are there. It changes you and moves you to feelings that I can't explain. I've no regrets. No bitterness. No confusion left in me... I haven't felt this free in a long time. I know I've been up and down in my emotions as of late.. and you are probably wondering if this is just temporary. I wondered that too. But I seriously doubt that this is only for a while. And I'm glad I went about it the right way. Not trying to hate someone in my head just to make things easier for myself. That wouldn't have been right and it would have taken me longer if I had gone that route. I finally see.
I see and agree with Mike that we were not right for each other. And that doesn't make us any worse or good than we are. We had fun together, we loved in our own way, and we have wonderful memories together. But none of that means that we should be together. Both parties have to want to try and continue on. If that urge is lost, how can you blame the other party? You really can't. It's no one's fault for the way things turned out. It's not mine, or Mike's. Everyone makes choices.. and this was his choice. And I see now that it's my choice too. I'm really glad that I saw him on Sunday and talked to him because it made me see that we make such great friends, and not so great bf/gf. I would tell him now how I feel now. That's how confident I feel about how certain I am. But I'm going to wait on it only to show that I'm dead serious about this. I knew that I would be over Michael and that we could be friends when I could picture him in his future, happy with someone else. That's how I knew when I was over Ben a long time ago. Except with Ben, it took me months to realize that. Hey! It was my first time being really heartbroken. Can you blame me? But that's how I know about Michael.
I know everyone, including myself, sometimes will have days where you dwell in the past.. and let yourself hurt and hurt. I'm done doing that. I think it's okay to dwell in the past, if you are not hurting. If you can look back at the happy times and not want to be in that time frame anymore... if you can see that you have a bright and happy future.. if you can see that life is what you make of it... I think it's okay to think about the good times and even miss them, as long as there are no regrets. It's when you have no regrets that you know things are all right and will be all right. But you can't rush people into acceptance. Everyone has their own pace of learning and accepting. For some people, it might take a couple of weeks. For others, it might even be years. Who cares as long as you get there! And when you get there, you'll KNOW because you won't question your happiness. You won't have to ask yourself, "Is this for real? Am I really happy?", you just KNOW that you are happy. It's just like when you know when you're in love. If you question it.. then you probably don't. Falling out of love is the same way. You know when you're done.
I really need to thank the three people who were truly there for me in my time of need. Darren, Rene and Suey!!! You guys mean more to me than you'll ever know!! I love you guys with all my heart and will be here for you guys if you need anything.
Okay TB!! This is enough writing for tonight. I need to sleep to wake up early to study! I'm going camping this weekend for mammalogy. I think that will be a lot of fun. =)
<3 Karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
