Hi sweetheart. I so don't wanna write these papers!! Meeh. They are actually not that bad. One is a scientific paper for ecology and the other is the field report for my Asian religions class. For ecology they are not expecting a full-blown scientific paper yet, so it's not big deal. I'm so glad that Steve made us write all those damn papers at Saddleback! It definitely gave me good experience on how to write scientific papers. =) Hopefully he's doing fine. I miss the class and him as a teacher! I had so much fun. I think our classroom had very good group dynamic. =)
I took a nap today with The Pie, but I'm still sleepy for some reason! Why is that? Maybe I overslept... heh.
So I e-mailed Mike today. I wasn't going to send it out for a while just because I knew he was going to be a bit befuddled about how I was Sunday and how I am now. But he's a pretty open-minded guy, so I think he was able to understand. But I basically said that I understand and accept everything.... Well, I'll just post the letter here, because there's nothing to hide:
Hi Mike,
How are you? Just tired from your internship and school I'll bet! I just wanted to write you to say hello and that your 4 month estimation was wrong!! hehe. I just wanted you to know that I know now.. that this was all for the greater good of things and I accept what has happened between you and I. And that it's okay. I don't blame you for what happened, and I don't blame myself either. They were just a sequence of events that happened, and it's no one persons fault that things happened this way. I forgive you and I forgive myself. I'm not one to hang on to the past either (like you). It just took me a little while to see it. I happen to do a lot of things to the extreme. I love hard and I cry hard. And I have cried hard about this already. And really, you shouldn't have felt bad. There was only one way to do it, and no one said it was gonna be easy. But thank you also, for having the guts to go through with it. And thank you for being patient all this time. Thank you for being strong. You were right about me not being the one for you, and I see that you're not the one for me either. It was really weird to me when I realized it. It was as if someone had turned a light bulb in my head, and I suddenly saw everything in plain view and suddenly, everything made sense. Or it's like looking at a puzzle you've been trying to figure out for a very long time... and I finally did.
I don't regret our past either, because I feel that I have learned a tremendous amount of things from this experience. You were right about a lot of things (okay buddy, not EVERYTHING!). Like spending more time with friends and really appreciating them, that being so dependent on another person is not the greatest thing in the world, that I should never make assumptions about people and their feelings, about trust, and what I want out of love in this lifetime. Maybe I would have never learned these things if I never went through this experience. So really, I thank you for the experience. =)
It seems awful fast that I realized all of this since Sunday, I KNOW.. but that's kind of how I work sometimes. I think that I'm a pretty adaptable person.. I just really live out my emotions. But can you really set a time line for when someone realizes these things? I don't think so. People tell me, "Karen, it's only been 2 weeks." but it kind of does feel like our relationship was over a while ago.. and I was kind of anticipating our break up since we had gotten back together. So in reality.. was it really only 2 weeks? Maybe it was longer than it seemed. As long as my thoughts and feelings about how I feel NOW are truly genuine, I don't see the need to say... okay, in a month I'll be better, or in a few months I'll be better. I AM better now and as long as I KNOW so with certainty, what's wrong with that? Sometimes, when I was getting "better", I would ask myself... am I getting over Mike too fast? Wasn't it really important to me? Shouldn't I grieve about it a little more? But I thought about that too... and I think I have grieved about this relationship for a very long time. And I thought that you wouldn't want that for me either. I know you want me to be happy. I want you to be happy too (believe it or not!). heh. Okay, that's all I really wanted to say. So maybe we'll see each other for dinner soon? Talk to you later!
Karen
So yeah..! That's the letter... it's funny because I think that some of my close friends... don't believe me! Or they question my thoughts. I understand why they question it.. but it's something I already know that will just be proven to others as time goes by.
There are so many things going on.. AHH! Friday night Rene invited me to go to a singles party in San Diego. haha. Kind of funny no? I've never been to a singles party before, so it should be interesting? Apparently all the guys have to wear white buttoned down shirts and all the girls have to wear red wristbands, so we all know who is a part of this singles party. And we are also allowed to bring other boys who are single that we have no romantic interest in. So you know, there's no cat fights or anything like that! haha. It's actually an interesting idea. Anyway! I'll let you know what I think of it after I've gone.
Then, Saturday morning, Naoko and I are going to go to the beach for our ecology field trip. Then make our way over to meet our mammalogy class at our camp site. Where we will set traps for all the furry little critters out there. I did before with Steve too when we went camping for our biology class. It was really fun! I'm looking forward to it greatly. =) I should be back home Sunday night... and I'm going to try to find someone who is willing to watch Flushed Away with me. It got good ratings on rotten t's! (www.rottentomatoes.com) Plus, it's about ratons! How could I not watch right? hehe. Maybe I can get Suey to watch with me.
I'm also trying to plan out Thanksgiving dinner with my family. Our mom doesn't really cook American food... so I was thinking me, Suey and Sarah could do the main cooking. I love it when we're all back together as a family.. it's hard when two of us are in college to get everyone together and actually just chill out at the house. And The Pie can come too! Yay! =)
Next weekend I've started making plans to go out with Lizzie. She's going through some tough times, but I know she'll be okay!! I'm going to take her to Barcopa. I think she will like it. She requested a bar with a small dance floor, so, voila. She's going to sleep over after so that should be fun too! The day after that I'll be going to the LA Zoo with my mammalogy class for our second field trip. Dr. Stewart has promised us behind the door scenes with some animals so I'm pretty excited!! Then Sunday I'm going on our last Ichthylogy field trip.. which will be on a boat. Pretty exciting huh? =D
Weekend after that will be Vegas with Rene, which I can't wait for.
Weekend after that is Thanksgiving, which I also can't wait for!
Then lots and lots of studying for lab finals and lecture finals too... whew! And before I know it... I'll be in the mid-smack in December and trying to organize Christmas presents. Sounds like a busy rest of the year huh? It feels like it too!!
All right love. I'm exhausted from all this thinking ahead. Take care TB!
<3 Karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
