Hi love. Whew! I just finished my paper for ecology. It took quite a bit of time because I was pretty confused about the results and equations until I went to go see Kristina. She is a great TA!! I like her very much. =) She's so mommy-like. And well, I guess that's because she is a mommy! Anyways, I'm glad I got that done and over with.
When I walk around school I often wonder what other people are thinking or feeling. I look out at the mass of people passing by me like fluid and wonder.... how many of these people are happy? Who's insecure and who's confident? How many of these people are depressed... how many of these people have broken hearts and weary souls... How many of these people like Spongebob Squarepants? I know they are dumb ponderings sometimes, but I just wonder is all... I don't know what got me started on that. I think it's because I was thinking about a conversation I had last night with a friend about love.
I've always had hope. Even at my lowest low... I always had at the least a teeny tiny inkling of hope that I will eventually find the person who is right for me. Even when Andy, Ben and Michael broke up with me (not all at once silly!), I knew in my heart of hearts that I wouldn't let myself grow old alone. And I know how I am and what I did wrong in these relationships, and what they also did wrong in the relationship. I know that not everything was my fault, nor theirs. And I know that timing is everything sometimes. I'm not sad about the fact that I gave my all until the bitter end in all my past relationships. I'm happy in the knowing that I gave it my absolute best shot and if I gave it my best, then I can't carry any regrets. I have no regrets. I'm happy I met love, even though it hurt. I truly would rather have loved and lost than never have loved at all. Why? Because two people being in love can create the happiest and most satisfied feeling in the world. And I don't feel sad that I experienced it. I feel lucky.
I understand it's hard to continue trying when the going gets rough. I guess I just never stopped trying in the past because I believed in love so much. I do believe in love so much. This may sound unfortunate in a sense, because I realize now that when I fall in love with someone, I won't give up. So I'll probably always be the one to hurt and ache. It's why I've never been able to break up with someone. Not just because I feel bad, but because of what I believe. But you know what? I think that it's okay. Sure it will hurt, but I'll know I gave it all my effort. I'll just be a bit more choosy on who I decide to love next time... if it's within my control anyway. I wonder if people think I'm wrong for the way I am? I don't really think it's totally flawed... I accept things quickly. And I'll know that when times get tough and both parties still want to continue to try and decide to try for the rest of their lives, well, I'll know that when that happens, it's called a match of true love. I really believe that. And if one person's heart is not into it, that doesn't mean they didn't love you or you them. It just means that you didn't meet your right match and that it's time to let go.
And I truly hope and wish for everyone, true love and happiness. To world enough and time, to experience a real, genuine love. To not giving up hope in the cave of darkness while you are searching or waiting, because there's a light glowing at the end, even if the path may seem long and winding.
<3 Karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
