These days, I'm feeling confused about life. People scare me. They really do. I know that people aren't perfect. Somehow, I don't think I understand this concept anymore. I KNOW that everyone makes mistakes and I KNOW that I do too. But I don't think I UNDERSTAND anymore. See.. if I understood... truly understood, I would accept that fact and respect it. I used to... but nowerdays, I'm bitter with the world. Angry, confused, resentful, and hateful. I hope it's a phase because this isn't what I want to be. I just have to remind myself... "never try to find perfection in anyone, you'll just end up hating everyone."
And... in other words, I got a phone call the other day that made me think about the past and the present. It was from someone who I hadn't talked to in a very long time, whom I used to feel very close to. We're just strangers now, but it was nice to hear from them. It was also frustrating to hear from them. They left me a message and the first part of it was somewhat hurtful. Only because it used to be true. To make something of that nature into a laughing matter... that's not quite funny to me. It just, hurt. Maybe they had good intentions, or didn't think it was a big deal. I'm sure it was the latter. Maybe it's stupid of me to care about such a silly matter... it's funny how a person could care so much about another person, yet not be involved at all in their lives anymore. And it's me... it's me that cares. And I realize that they couldn't care less about me today or ever. Maybe it was all nothing to them. Funny though, because it was something to me. If I sit here and think about the present and how I got here, so far away from someone I cared and loved so much, I don't really even know how it happened, who decided such things, or if our friendship just wasn't good enough for either of us. I know that if I never thought about it, I could probably just go on, living my life the way they do. Not caring about such things. But I can't help but do it once in a while... even if they had never called, I think about them and wonder how they are doing, what's going on in their life, who they love now, what they love now... I just wonder. I know it's stupid. I know we already said goodbye to our friendship a long time ago, but it meant a lot to me. Even through the worst times, the fights and bickering. They were like family. But that's all gone now. I don't think I'll ever stop if I don't just stop now... so I'll do that for tonight. I should be studying for my last practical anyway.
I'm helping Mike pack tomorrow and bring some more stuff here. Mike and I are great. We've never been better. And just like there's nothing in this world like a true love, there's nothing in this world like true friends. Good night.
<3 Karen
Moving - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
Rambles and Kansas! - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2008
In Manhattan, Kansas! - Sunday, Jan. 20, 2008
Minnesota! - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008
First Interview!!! - Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007
